Uncle Tiffany

Uncle Tiffany
The one who is constantly being harassed by morons

Welcome To Socially Retarded Epic Fail Dating

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Nanaimo, B.C, Canada
For your amusement, a collection of morons who harass me. I leave my account up solely for laughing at the socially retarded psychopaths who I seem to be a magnet for. Feel free to add your own fail as well!
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Sunday, June 24, 2012

June 24, 2012: "watchinpaintdry"

So this dude starts hitting on me because "he saw me in the car next to him" (creeper) then all of a sudden starts turning really fruity. I should've known something was up when he told me he'd cock slap my driving examiner for failing me and offer him a blow job.

watchinpaintdry: so i was watchin porn lol

Me: I care why?
 

watchinpaintdry: my buddy was here watchin too, he stayed the night

Me: Ok... I don't really care...
 

watchinpaintdry: things got crazy last night

Me: ....
 

watchinpaintdry: i saw it

Me: Saw what
 

watchinpaintdry: his penis

Me: I don't really need to hear about whatever gay activities you guys got up to.
 

watchinpaintdry: im not gay

Me: Well this is starting to sound really gay...
 

watchinpaintdry: but ive always dated girls .

watchinpaintdry: how come i watched him

watchinpaintdry: i sound really gay?

watchinpaintdry: im scared lol

Me: Dude I have no idea...
 

watchinpaintdry: he came on me

Me: Ok this is awkward...
 

watchinpaintdry: he came on my face

watchinpaintdry: maybe im gay

watchinpaintdry: i am curious to date a guy

Me: I don't need to know this. :|
 

watchinpaintdry: soory can i talk to u about it ?

Me: I don't even know what to tell you.
 

watchinpaintdry: well i date girls but latly in the las couple years i been sneaking
around with guys and tryin oral sex

Me: I see...
 

watchinpaintdry: its weird i just like to play withcocks for somereason

Me: So go do that. Why do you need to tell me about it?
 

watchinpaintdry: i guess i just wanted to tell u the truth behind me

Me: Doesn't affect me though.

watchinpaintdry: im goin on a date wit a dude:) kinda excited !!!

Me: Ok have fun.
 

watchinpaintdry: well its not planned yet but he wants to hang out and see what happens
lol that must mean he wants to hook up too

Me: Lovely
 

watchinpaintdry: DONT U WANT A MAN TO MAKE U PLEASE HIM?OPPS CAPS

Me: What the fuck...
 

watchinpaintdry: lol im probably gunna give him the best head hes ever had:P

Me: Good for you.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

January 9, 2012

February 3, 2012: "MRVandelay"

MRVandelay: your a tool

Me: *you're

February 21, 2012: "mr.solodolo."

mr. solodolo.: You are a goddess can you help me :)?. How should I cum? On floor, in towel, on table, on chest , in glass, legs over head self facial, or anything you can think of ;).........................



Me: In a fire. While you die in it.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

May 18, 2011: "Elpad"

This isn't a Plenty Of Fail but it is a pretty epic tell off towards some MASSIVE video game geek being a major fuck tard on my boy and his buddy's picture discussions.

Dear Elpad: (What in the name of ass is an Elpad? I'm going to call you Le Pad because you seem to be in a constant state of PMS as is). How about you get a life? You know, a real one. Not on the computer. You're clearly some fat ass, greasy computer geek who gets off on trying to sound superior to others online. I've got a better idea: get your Cheeto's stained hand out of your dirty sweat pants and off of your two inch nub and go outside. You know? That place? Outside? With that weird glowing ball in the sky? Let's see how cool you are then. 

P.S This is most likely the first and last time a chick will ever talk to you. Mom doesn't count.

July 7, 2011: "MrGreatness"

So apparently the blog is getting a little bit famous. In fact so famous that some army spaz wants to be a part of it (or he genuinely is bat shit crazy).

MrGreatness: Hey there. Im not searchin your area but you came up somehow. do yoiu ever come to Surrey, or Delta?

Me: I haven't been over there for a long time. I usually only go to Richmond.

MrGreatness:  Oh why whats in Richmond?


(4 minutes later...)


MrGreatness: Listen to me Uncle Tiffany, are you gonna ****in reply or not? It's a pretty simple ****in question. God damnit!


Me: What the fuck is your problem? I'm not sitting at the computer hitting fucking refresh every two seconds. 

MrGreatness: You ****in sghow some ****in respect around here before I snap!

Me: You know it's not funny when you act like a tard on purpose just to be on my fail blog.

And I haven't heard a damn thing since.

UPDATE !

A week later we have a reply, and God is it ever fucking hilarious.

MrGreatness: Like Im ugly, or whoever said it is ugly? Obviously, ****in goof. You are a gilr. The moment something doesn't doesn't go your way the direction that shit's comin from is where you focus on, and you hate automatically. Goof.

(Did anyone else make any sense of that? I sure as hell didn't)


Me: Wow way to take a week to reply. Do you always spaz that hard when someone takes a whopping 4 minutes to reply? Oh ya, clearly I'm a goof. I'm the one who goes bat shit crazy for no reason. Do us all a favour and check yourself into psych.

PS You're on the fail blog anyways so it's ok.


MrGreatness: I hope you die. If I see you in person I will know it's you, and i will spit on you, you ****in ****!


Me: Wow, you're an epic psycho. Your parents must be so proud.

July 14, 2011 "Mr. Chill"

Mr. Chill: Hey I noticed you viewed my profile, If you would like to chill and possibly save the world let me know. I would love to get to know someone that is friendly and fun to hang with. I've got candy too


Me:  I don't recall viewing it at all.


Mr. Chill: Its kool, we just be chillin and blazin anywayz. About to go dirtbiking. If thats ur thing i'll let my buddies know and you could use the yz80 if ya want. if no, its all good. we be leaving in an hour. headed up mt benson. peace. if this mag came twice sorry, this site is ****in up.


Me: I've already got shit planned with other people.


Mr. Chill: someone else has beet ya to the spot of cash and fame, too bad really, your quite adventurous looking and I got alot of money to by diamonds with. It took a minute but I realized by your crude reply that you would not fit in with us. We be lookin for nice girls to take shopping and shit.


Me: Uh, no thanks. I don't need your money I have plenty of my own.


Mr. Chill: well sh*tmang, didn't see your 2nd response. it was alot better than first. sorry maybe there is some kindness in there. lol.... i feel shitty now. anyway i would say maybe in future but after my bullsh*tmessage that prolly aint gonna happen now. sorry again. i shoulda waited a few more mins for better reply. have a good one eh


Me: Do I even look like someone who wears diamonds? Christ.


(I mean really, do I?)


 
Mr. Chill:
ah money is good aint it. sh*tyou race then. Now i'm totally not interested in hangin with you but maybe we can do some business. you need a supplier, I wheel and deal with all kinds of shit. You race at all. or have some friends that have decent enough wallets to place a good bet cuz we like to race. most of all we are single handedly taking over this towns underworld of street racing. if interested meet at nanaimo lakes rd where harewood mines rd meets with it tonight at 1 am. we be there. I'm racing my mustang and my best bud is unleashing his camaro. 455ci 650 hp, that thing bombs man. I understand if you find this weird. I dont blame ya, but I do message alot of people cuz we are starting an empire. always looking for more members

Me: You are making zero sense. Money doesn't mean shit to me. We're all supplied quite fine as it is. And as for cars, that's right up there on my list of things I'd rather watch paint dry than bother with. Do I look like I hang out with people like that? Really?



Mr. Chill: i make no sense cuz i'm high lol. iz some good weed. peace i'm done buggin ya

Mr. Chill:
Wow you boring then, I'd rather watch water boil then hang with you lol. sh*tmang.... my buddy here says he don't see moody sh*tlike this often. must be on da rag.


(Aaaaand he closes his account so we'll never know if he got this last message or not, and I'm so disappointed I didn't get a picture of this dumb ass. Picture one of those highly attractive boys off of the nerd revenge movies and you've basically got it. Now let the epic shoot down begin...)


Me: What the fuck is with your God awful typing? You know you're not black right? Give me a break. Ya I'm sure you're "SO HIGH" like the chicks at the bar who have one beer and fall all over the place slobbering all over the nearest cock and gyrating half naked against her skanky friend.

Wow. How typical of a narrow minded male. "You don't agree with what I say and call me out on being a fucking idiot so you must be on your rag." Yes, I'm boring because I don't want to hang out with a complete dumb fuck and already have my own plans. Why don't you try your ridiculous speech down at the high school? I'm sure there's a few idiot 13 year olds you can con with your "mad playa blingin" skills. Meanwhile I think we all know you're just trying to bring your online gaming faggotry into real life. I mean have you looked in the mirror lately? You look like a God damn computer nerd who hasn't seen the light of day for 13 years and stole his grandpa's glasses. Don't even turn around and call me ugly because we all know damn well I'm not and you're only trying to back track because you got shot down.

P.S If you're trying to get on my fail blog it worked. If you weren't then too bad, it's online for all to see. Good luck ever getting taken seriously on here again... oh wait... Moron